I am more than I used to be...

 I don't know why today was the day I remembered/stumbled upon this blog again... well, all my blogs. Kismet much? I just spent the last 30 minutes going through my old posts and I kinda want to smack that girl.

How blind I was to so many things, but mostly my own worth. I kept placing my worth in what boys (and I use that word intentionally) thought of me. And I was so broken when it ended... as if it was surprising. Reading through the posts I thought I would remember all the feelings and pain, but I didn't. Like the girl that was all over those posts no longer exists. I'd like to think that, for sure. I'd like to think that there is no way I will ever be her again (cause she was a bit of a narcissistic bitch). I'd like to believe that I've actually grown up and know what I'm worth because of me and not a man. Let's call that a vast improvement from where I was when I first started this blog (back in 2010)!

I can also say that the relationship between myself and my immediate family is definitely on the mend/repaired. There are obviously still areas that need improvement and that will probably never change, but there is solace in the fact that we are all working together to make it better. I'm not naïve enough to believe that all will be good at some point down the line, but conversations are open and honest which is more than I ever thought we would have in this life.

All the posts... all the drama... all the pain and heartache... I feel the pendulum has swung the other way in my life. Not that this side of life is without pain and heartache and drama (trust me, it's still there), but it doesn't seem to be as superficial as my past. Not trying to negate or belittle my pain then, it's just different now. I'm different now. Life is different now. I'm a wife, a career woman, a photographer, a foster mom, an auntie, a sister, a daughter, a dog mom, a friend, a voice of reason, a shoulder and arms to lean and embrace, feet to walk with and legs to stand on, hands to hold... I am more than I used to be...



Thank God!

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