My Singin' Legs

Here it is... my so called life.  I feel stuck and I'm not sure what it will take to feel unstuck.  I'm not completely unhappy... I have a lot of things to be happy about if I'm being completely honest.  On the flip side, there are many things that do make me feel unhappy.  I have 2 jobs, the cutest little puppy ever, an amazing family, the best group of friends, 2 of the best friends in the world, a social life, a new car, no debt (except school loans and my car note), an upcoming trip to Italy with my sister, I could go on.  All of that is fine and good and I'm so thankful for it.  However, I find myself alone.  I know that I'm not, but I feel it all the time.  I got to work every day and come home to an empty apartment except for Daisy.  Seeing her sweet little face when I walk in the door helps so much.  She is so excited to see me; she jumps up and down, wagging her little curly tail and licking my face just begging for me to let ...

I discovered this song on Pandora this morning and immediately bought the song. Just a little bit of inspiration for myself. Hell, it's inspiration for anyone who needs a little pick-me-up today, tomorrow, or ever. "I feel lovely the way that I am." LOVELY by Sara Haze I don't wanna be her I just want to be little old me Shouldn't have to think Who am I suppose to be today And what gives you the right To tell me who I should be Who gave you that right Cause I, I feel lovely Just the way that I am Yes I feel lovely The way that I am I know you want the best Yeah only good things for me But you have to realize I can't be all these things you project on me Cause I'm beautiful to me Doesn't that mean a thing I feel lovely Just the way that I am Yes I feel lovely The way that I am I need that to be enough for you Need that to be enough for you Cause it's enough for me It's enough for me Am I suppose to give up eve...

A wise woman once told me, "There are few things certain in this life. One certainty is the tide. As you stand on the shore, the tide will come in and go out. Are you standing there watching it go by or are you swimming it to get to where you want to be?" How profound? So, on that note... one of my favorite Incubus songs; Drive. DRIVE by Incubus Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear Take the wheel and steer It's driven me before And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal But lately I'm beginning to find that I Should be the one behind the wheel Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there With open arms and open eyes yeah Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there I'll be there So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive? It's driven me before And it seems to be the way that everyo...

Last night was a big night for me. It was my first night back on stage singing after a year break following Kiss of the Spiderwoman and all that jazz. I've been back on stage recently in a play (The Laramie Project) and I had a few small parts (thank God and Sheran and Abel for that opportunity) so that was a nice, easy step back to the stage; along with much nudging from family and close friends. :) All that said, last night was a big deal for me. Mama's Party at Tucker's Blues in Deep Ellum! Small crowd, but lively. I was singing 2nd after Liz and before Kristin, who both were awesome! I can't tell you exactly what happened or how it did, but as soon as I took the mic and stepped into the light something did. Like I woke up or a light turned on or I came to know a peace I haven't known in so long. There was nowhere else I could have been in those moments than right where I was on that stage. It was so exhilarating! It's like I was my old self again...

I do so desperately want to talk about my most recent break up, but at the exact same time, I absolutely don't want to talk about it. It's a broken record; SSDD and who the hell wants to hear that song all over again? I really don't and it's really (when you break it down) my own fault. My ever so impeccable ability to choose the wrong kinds of men. I have this uncanny ability to sell myself so short (physically and literally) that I always seem to end up with the same kind of guy and it ends... just like the others. I am the walking/talking definition of insane. Am I just a glutton for punishment? Why do I think that every time they will prove me wrong when I know damn well they won't? Why do I possess this need to be proven wrong in this one particular arena? What the hell? Am I really that scared that I won't find someone good enough for me that I just continue to settle just so I'm not alone? Am I really as alone as I think I am? EMILY!!! Sn...

This is a song from the group called The Civil Wars. I was introduced to them this past weekend by my dear friend, Jeremy. Amaze balls. I fell in love immediately when I heard this song... and now I send it out to you... whoever you may be. I still believe in love. I still believe you're out there. I have not lost hope and I'm beyond grateful for that fact.

I'm done and I'm stronger for it. I deserve better and I know it. It's over and I'm not hoping/wanting/wishing for a sequel. Move on. Move away. Live your life without me in it. Thank you for what you taught me about what I want and who I am. I know who I am. Thank you for that reminder. Move forward in your life. I've moved forward in mine. Goodbye.