A New Dawn, A New Day, A New Life!
It's a happy blog, I promise. I do, typically, blog when I'm sad or angry, but this is a happy one.
If you read back a few blogs, you would have read about Tommy and I breaking up and a slew of reasons as to why it was the best thing for he and I, individually and he and I as us. Turns out, my defense mechanisms had kicked in and I was preserving my heart. I was running scared. I had, for the first time in my life, real love staring me in the face. I didn't know what it looked like. I didn't know how to deal with it. It was so much at one time. It was overwhelming. So, I ran... it's what I do best. I run, convince everyone that it's the best thing, convince myself that I don't deserve goodness and love, and I run. Well, I ran, but I didn't get far.
The two days that had passed from the moment he walked out of my door until the moment he called me to see how I was were the darkest days for me. I was out of control, emotional, broken, hurt, angry, amongst a flurry of other emotions. Something inside said I was being an idiot, but I ignored it, until he called. I couldn't ignore it then. I knew I made a mistake. I knew I was wrong and I was running scared.
We decided at that point that we would be friends and hang out and see where things led us. We both still loved each other; that did not change. We both wanted this to work; we knew that. So we worked for us; together. He fought for us. I fought for us. We fought for us. I've never, NEVER had someone fight for us. It was uncharted territory for me and I was scared every day. We spoke almost every day; even if it was just a "good morning" or "good night, hope you had a good day" text or call.
After a month of communicating, spending time together as friends, learning more about each other, discussing pros and cons of "us", spending time apart, exploring possibilities with his new job, and realizing that we have something that people seek out their whole lives, we decided that we would get back together. It was an amazing moment for me, for us. Let's recap the last month:
Tommy just started his AA Flight attendant training; a 3 week process, including 12 hour days, 6 days a week, and sleeping accommodations at a hotel of the airlines choice. He started the week after we broke up. I had just begun rehearsals for Kiss of the Spiderwoman and I knew that I would be in rehearsals every night during the week. We would not have much face time due to our schedules. We spent some time together that first weekend we broke up; had a meal, talked, watched a movie. The next weekend we moved his stuff into the hotel and the rest into my place. It felt as though he moved in. We started talking about that option; moving in together. It's not a yes, but it's also not a no; it's an option. We had good talks and good quality time (which is very important to me). This last weekend felt as though we were a couple again. He came home as I was leaving with Courtney to go see a play. I came home to him asleep in bed. (I'll admit that I loved that feeling I got when I saw him there.) I put on my pj's and crawled into bed and he curled up next to me and we slept. There was nowhere else I could have been that would have made me happier than where I was right then and there. We got up the next morning and went to have breakfast at my favorite cafe. We laughed and talked and we kept making comments like we were together again. After that, we went to the store so I could get some birthday cards for my family. We must have spent an hour there laughing and looking at cards. We drove back home; he held my hand the whole time. We took a nap and watched a movie. He left to go study and I went to another show. We spoke every day for the next week. We actually spent some time together on Friday before my rehearsal. He came over Saturday after classes. He asked me that night to be his girlfriend again. I said I would love to. He kissed me and smiled.
I learned so many things about myself and the kind of person I am. I learned about Tommy and the kind of man he is. I learned about the kind of love we have. I know how to be patient. I know how to have faith, not only in God, but in the love that He gave 2 people. I know what real love is. I know what it feels like and what it's synonymous with. I know I have something real. I have a man that's willing to fight and did. I know that I'm willing to fight and I did. I love him and he loves me and I'm thankful every day for it.
If you read back a few blogs, you would have read about Tommy and I breaking up and a slew of reasons as to why it was the best thing for he and I, individually and he and I as us. Turns out, my defense mechanisms had kicked in and I was preserving my heart. I was running scared. I had, for the first time in my life, real love staring me in the face. I didn't know what it looked like. I didn't know how to deal with it. It was so much at one time. It was overwhelming. So, I ran... it's what I do best. I run, convince everyone that it's the best thing, convince myself that I don't deserve goodness and love, and I run. Well, I ran, but I didn't get far.
The two days that had passed from the moment he walked out of my door until the moment he called me to see how I was were the darkest days for me. I was out of control, emotional, broken, hurt, angry, amongst a flurry of other emotions. Something inside said I was being an idiot, but I ignored it, until he called. I couldn't ignore it then. I knew I made a mistake. I knew I was wrong and I was running scared.
We decided at that point that we would be friends and hang out and see where things led us. We both still loved each other; that did not change. We both wanted this to work; we knew that. So we worked for us; together. He fought for us. I fought for us. We fought for us. I've never, NEVER had someone fight for us. It was uncharted territory for me and I was scared every day. We spoke almost every day; even if it was just a "good morning" or "good night, hope you had a good day" text or call.
After a month of communicating, spending time together as friends, learning more about each other, discussing pros and cons of "us", spending time apart, exploring possibilities with his new job, and realizing that we have something that people seek out their whole lives, we decided that we would get back together. It was an amazing moment for me, for us. Let's recap the last month:
Tommy just started his AA Flight attendant training; a 3 week process, including 12 hour days, 6 days a week, and sleeping accommodations at a hotel of the airlines choice. He started the week after we broke up. I had just begun rehearsals for Kiss of the Spiderwoman and I knew that I would be in rehearsals every night during the week. We would not have much face time due to our schedules. We spent some time together that first weekend we broke up; had a meal, talked, watched a movie. The next weekend we moved his stuff into the hotel and the rest into my place. It felt as though he moved in. We started talking about that option; moving in together. It's not a yes, but it's also not a no; it's an option. We had good talks and good quality time (which is very important to me). This last weekend felt as though we were a couple again. He came home as I was leaving with Courtney to go see a play. I came home to him asleep in bed. (I'll admit that I loved that feeling I got when I saw him there.) I put on my pj's and crawled into bed and he curled up next to me and we slept. There was nowhere else I could have been that would have made me happier than where I was right then and there. We got up the next morning and went to have breakfast at my favorite cafe. We laughed and talked and we kept making comments like we were together again. After that, we went to the store so I could get some birthday cards for my family. We must have spent an hour there laughing and looking at cards. We drove back home; he held my hand the whole time. We took a nap and watched a movie. He left to go study and I went to another show. We spoke every day for the next week. We actually spent some time together on Friday before my rehearsal. He came over Saturday after classes. He asked me that night to be his girlfriend again. I said I would love to. He kissed me and smiled.
I learned so many things about myself and the kind of person I am. I learned about Tommy and the kind of man he is. I learned about the kind of love we have. I know how to be patient. I know how to have faith, not only in God, but in the love that He gave 2 people. I know what real love is. I know what it feels like and what it's synonymous with. I know I have something real. I have a man that's willing to fight and did. I know that I'm willing to fight and I did. I love him and he loves me and I'm thankful every day for it.
Beautiful post! Beautiful girl! Beautiful couple! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lauren! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily,
ReplyDeleteAwesome blog!
Thank you for your visit, you are more than welcome to visit my blog.
Good luck with your Love :)