Goodbye, Tommy.

Lying There from Edges: A Song Cycle

I look at you lying there
sleeping so soundly.
Sometimes I wish
I could sleep as well as you.
And I bet in your dreaming I'm there,
I look peaceful.
And maybe you'd assume
I'm lost in dreaming too,
but despite how I try
to close my eyes and join you,
despite how I try
to hold my breath and body still,
despite how I try
not to jolt you or wake you.
I can't sleep.
I don't breath.
I won't move.
Am I fulfilled?

I look at you lying there
and I want hold you.
I want to sleep for decades by your side,
but with you I'm restless.
I'm running on empty.
I'm living a life
where I have compromised.
You'd think in my sleep
I'd see you in my future.
You'd think in my dreams
I'd see our kids play on the lawn.
You'd think in my nightmares
I'd be living life without you.
You would think.
you would guess,
but I can't sleep.
So you'd be wrong.

You have blue eyes and I love blue eyes.
I love how you're six feet tall.
I love how we question if God's really there
and how we hate Christmas time at the mall.
And on paper we're great
and our stars are aligned
and it looks like it was all meant to be.
But night after night
I keep shutting my eyes
and I try but I find I can't sleep.

I look at you lying there
sleeping without me.
I bet you'd never guess
my restlessness just grows.
And while I want to shut my eyes
and know the things you know,
I can't sleep.
I can't breath.
I can't move.

How I wish I could wake you.
I wish I could jolt you.
I wish I could love you.
But wishing I could love you
isn't really loving
I suppose.